The great message left by my beloved mother Madelyn

Elaine Sanchez, author of the book: Letters from Madelyn Chronicles of a Caregiver talks with me about her mom Madelyn powerful and bubbly caregiver and this role sometimes not always pleasant but so indispensable for families




Elaine Sanchez is the author of Letters from Madelyn - Chronicles of a Caregiver.
The story is about Madelyn’s experience of caring for her husband, Quentin, after he suffered a stroke on October 30, 1993. 

During this long time, in order to de-stress herself, Madelyn wrote letters to her daughter Elaine about her life with Quentin.

The final result is a journal of seven beautifully detailed years, in which Madelyn  described every possible little or big fact of her life. She wrote about neighbors, her flowers and garden, Quentin's condition, church activities, as well as the books  she loved to read and her thoughts about life.

The final result is wonderfully touching.

Elaine's husband saved the letters in a cardboard moving box naming it:  "Letters from Madelyn".

On Mother’s Day 2002, Elaine’s priest asked her to talk to them about mother-daughter relationships.
Elaine thought that the best thing to do was to read some passages of Madelyn's letters telling also some anecdotes of her mom.
People astonished by the beauty of this letter suggested her: "Why don't you write a book with these letters?"

Elaine published the first edition of Letters from Madelyn in 2007. It was immediately a big success. I read the second edition, published on May 2016. 

Elaine wrote me a beautiful email immediately after she read my review on Netgalley.com, and she proposed an interview.

When I checked my e-mail and I read Elaine Sanchez I was so surprised. It seemed like to live in a dream. I had just finished to read and review a book where "Dear Elaine" and later "Dear Elaine and Alex" (Elaine's husband) the words most used by that hurricane of lady that was Madelyn, Elaine's mother and now Elaine was writing to me. Surreal.

It was a great joy to talk to her on the phone.
I called Elaine at 4:30 pm on a busy Italian afternoon, plenty of people at home. In Oregon where Elaine lives was 7:30 am and for what she told me it was a tranquil morning . We chatted for a hour and half.

Thanks to Madelyn's letters, I now feel like Elaine and Alex are friends.

Elaine asked me where we wanted to start our conversation with and I replied: Let’s start with Madelyn of course.

Elaine:

“My parents lived on a dairy farm. Mom hated everything about it, but  she loved my father, and she had four kids to raise, so when she was in her mid-thirties, she learned how to find her own happiness from within."

Many of these letters are incredibly funny, but when I asked Elaine about her mother’s great sense of humor she admits:

"None of us are really sure if she was trying to be funny, or if we laughed because her letters were so honest and true."

Intentional or not, one thing is for sure, tells me Elaine: "Madelyn was funny, truly funny. " Ad she was in grade to read reality under a funny perspective. It helps a lot.


Elaine and her mother developed a big friendship. They have always been very closed.

Why?

"I’m not sure. It could be because there weren’t other girls of my same age close to me. But I suspect it had more to do with the fact that she was just a wonderful mother!" 

Elaine explains that when she attended the little small country school of her town with her elderly brothers in her classroom just 8 children (20 in total in the entire school) there was just another girl in her classroom, all the rest males. That little girl lived at just two miles of distance from her house. Elaine was alone at that time and her exclusive relationship with her mom more than understandable. 

In the while Madelyn in the early 1960s got a job in the town.

"She was a New Age thinker" says Elaine. "These two things made her an oddity in the conservative farming community where she and Quentin, my dad, lived. She was certainly different from the rest of women in this traditional area. She thought differently. She read different types of books. Her faith was different, and even though she did not enjoy her physical life, she believed she had the power to choose a positive attitude, finding  joy and happiness from within."


What kind of memories do you treasure the most of your mom?

"She was such an interesting and intelligent woman. From the time I was little, she was teaching me to think positively. I loved going to the milk barn and listening to her stories. She would always encourage me to try new things. She was constantly telling me:

You can be anything you want to be. 
You can do anything you want to do when you grow up. 
You are only limited by your own imagination and determination.
Elaine tells a wonderful anecdote of her mom and her

"When I grew up and I had children of my own, I treasured any one-on-one time we could spend together. When I returned home for a visit and all our men and kids to bed, we loved to take blankets and go outside. Wrapped up, warm and cozy we loved to talk all the night.”

How do you think your mother would feel about you sharing her letters?

Elaine:

"She knew I was saving her letters, and about five years into her caregiving experience, she wrote and said:

"I wish I had been keeping a caregiving journal all of these years. It would be interesting to see how I have grown and changed mentally and spiritually. I also think my experiences could help others who are in a similar situation."

And now, I think she would be thrilled to know that her letters really are helping others, and she would be amazed that a woman in Italy had read her letters and thought she was a fabulous lady!"

Thanks!

Elaine continues: "Writing letters helped her cope with her emotional and physical challenges. She wrote because phone calls at that time very expensive, and she was hard of hearing. Writing helped relieve her stress and communicate more clearly. I saved her letters because I knew she wasn’t going to live long, and I knew that as long as I had her letters, she would never be totally gone."

With great pleasure Elaine speaks also of  caregiverhelp.com,  the website she and her husband developed to help caregivers like her mother cope with their anger, guilt, depression, and grief.

“There are so many things that contribute to stress a caregiver, including what I call: The three F’s of Flipping Out––Fear, Frustration, and Fatigue. And there is a tremendous amount of grief associated with the gradual physical and cognitive loss a person experiences with progressive and degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s."

Elaine tells grief is another component that makes caregiving difficult:

"As a caregiver, you  grieve the loss of the life you once had. You grieve the loss of the life you thought you were going to have at this stage. You grieve the loss of your freedom, and you grieve the losses that are still to come."

Elaine became a speaker in 2007, thanks to the success of Letters from Madelyn -Chronicles of a Caregiver. When she talks at caregiving and conferences across the US, she helps family and professional caregivers to develop what she calls an "Attitude of creative indifference" toward the emotional stress of caregiving. 

The Three Steps Are:

1- Become AWARE of the situations that are causing you the greatest amount of stress. 

2 - ACCEPT You will not always feel as loving, kind, and generous as you would like to feel.

3 - ACT Determine which things you can fix, change, or control. If there is a problem that has a solution, make a plan and follow it. It you cannot do anything about the problem, try to stay tranquil.

When I asked Elaine why her mother wanted to keep Quentin at home rather than have him admitted to a nursing home, tells:

"If Mom would have put dad in a nursing home, she would have had to sell our farm ground to pay for his care. She would have lost all of her future income, and it might have taken all of their money to pay for his care. She could have been left without any resources.”

The book, Letters from Madelyn - Chronicles of a Caregiver is a wonderfully honest book, and it is often very funny. People who are or have been caregivers understand that they are not alone, and that experiencing negative emotions doesn’t make them bad people. People read the book repeats often to Elaine: “Madelyn gives me permission to be human.”

Elaine wants to share with all of us also some links.

First of all the one of her website:

http://caregiverhelp.com/

where a caregiver can find all the possible informations and interact with Elaine.

Then...Watch this video!

It's about dementia and sexuality in elderly people affected by some illness. Truly funny and real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2VWT-3woec


This video about grief:

http://www.caregiverhelp.com/caregiver-grief-m5s1/



The book: Letters from Madelyn - Chronicles of a Caregiver is a loving tribute from a daughter to her mother that will leave you encouraged, inspired, and uplifted. 



Anna Maria Polidori

Canning for a New Generation: Updated and Expanded Edition by Liana Krissoff

Canning for a New Generation: Updated and Expanded Edition the new book by Liana Krissoff.
Mrs Krissoff's family expert in canning. When she left her reality for NYC, although she experimented every kind of food at the end she was missing something: food preserved.








With the help of her family, friends etc, she became great in the art of preserving food and later she wrote a first book about it.
The expanded edition offers 50 new recipes.

From the ways you can prepare jams with or without sugar, or with or without pectin (true, I use the old classic method; we add sugar, a lot of work but not pectin, taste is completely different) you can of course preserve with various methods many other food, veggies or vegetables in every season of the year.

This book will introduce to the reader an explanation of all the various ingredients that will be implemented in the vegetables or fruits and later will offer many great recipes for food preservation.



The book published by Abrams the perfect gift for a friend.


I read it thanks to netgalley.com


Anna Maria Polidori

Highly sensitive people in an insensitive world -How to create a Happy Life - by Ilse Sand

Are there many highly sensitive people in this insensitive world? Who are them and how can they  resist at the various stressing situations that they will meet along their life?

Ilse Sand in his newest book: Highly sensitive people in an insensitive world -How to create a Happy Life - published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers will answer these questions and many more.


When a person is very sensitive can lives in a condition of biggest stress respect to someone else with proper life- anti corps.

You mustn't imagine that people living in this human condition are few. All the opposite. Maybe most of us.

This expression, highly sensitive person explains the author is pretty new and introduced for classifying anxious, stressed people.

Are you anxious? A bit depressed and introvert? Neurotic?

Do you have low self-esteem? Have you got some difficulties in socializing? You can be a highly sensitive person. Welcome in this numerous club of people.

The sensitive person can be stressed for little things, recovering his/her energy slowly in comparison to a "normal" person.

Highly sensitive people are unable sometimes to cope with life, people and events.



This book will help them to living a plenty and beautiful life.

Moderation to the author Ilse Sand the best word to adopt.
A sensitive person will be mentally tired with more simplicity than a normal subject.

She/he will need more rest than another one,  she/he won't be in grade to stay in company with a lot of people for a long time because she/he absorbs more mental energy.

Some people can be cause of more stressing than other ones for the highly sensitive person because he/she absorb their energy.

It's important to be surrounded by good people as reminds the author.

The highly sensitive person in fact needs to rest for a longer time because too much stressed by life in general.

The author's advices? Better to leave, better to use some common sense. Better not using too much energy.

Ilse Sand thinks that maybe a solitary life is the best solution for a highly sensitive person although it's not excluded of course (let's hope!) an union.

Surely the partner must respect the times more lazy and the mood sometimes not always at the top of the partner.

Sensitive people in general are ambitious and they want to live their life at the best. When this situation can't be possible they start to fall depressed feeling low self-esteem. A psychological therapy of support suggests the author can be good.

It's important to remind that perfection doesn't exist and that although it can be true sometimes our plans not the ones we hoped at first, this existence must be lived at the fullest.



The highly sensitive person should take care of himself/herself in a daily base, cuddling himself/herself.

A good bath, music, painting, creativity...

You will find plenty of activities and advices that Ilse Sand will share with you for living a happiest and relaxing life during your spare time.

Yes because the highly sensitive people are special human being.

For this reason but also for their past experiences - see at the voice: childhood -  they can live with difficulty the present.

The author suggests, considering anyway the good character of these people and so the opportunistic friends that they can accumulate thanks to their good heart (they don't love to be angry and they don't search for conflicts) to become more selfish in the good sense of the word.

When a highly sensitive person thinks that it is too tiring to accomplish a friend asking for a favor he/she must speak and tell that maybe it's not the case to do this favor all the times. If that specific friend is a real friend will stay.
It's important to take care of ourselves, says the author first of all.

Enjoy this book plenty of advices, sunny and wise proposals for a good life!

A great joy to read this book thanks to netgalley.com.



Anna Maria Polidori

The Mother Letters - Sharing the Laughter, Joy, Struggles, and Hope - Amber Haines and Seth Haines

This precious and felt book The Mother Letters  published by Revell was born for an intuition and a decision of these two writers, Seth and Amber Haines.



Seth Haines and his wife Amber had had in just three years three children and Amber stayed at home all the time for taking care of their three babies. Just of course, it wasn't simple at all and not everyday a joke or a sunny postcard of perfection, you know.  Three babies can give a lot of work and stress.
So Seth Haines for Christmas 2008 decided and thought that maybe his wife needed some encouraging words from other moms much more than material gifts.

Wouldn't have been great to receive a bunch of letters from other Moms about their experience in the Motherhood and the meaning of it?

At first they were friends with similar experiences, later Amber's favorite bloggers, and thanks to some Seth's friends, letters arrived from all the country.Various contributors can be found at the end of the book.

Inspiration, hope, sacrifice, enthusiasm, love, sufferance, understanding.

Being a mom means not only a choice, but something irreversible. A complete dedication to another human being for the rest of the life.

The couple decided to publish  the letters received recently for creating an inspirational and encouraging book for newly moms but also for the most navigating ones because the work of a mom is never ending.

These letters are impressive for their profundity and their love and beauty of their words. Most of them  touching.

These ladies are God Believer so also when life is tragic or difficult able to cope with all of it finding joy, support, help and strength thanks to God and Jesus.

Letters the most diversified ones. There is who thinks that (true) children grow up fast and so why not remembering that first years?
Another mom thinks that living this role doesn't mean at all to be perfect. No: all the opposite. It means to choose everyday what it is good for the children.

Maybe a mom can be judged for her own decisions but something else is truly real: that child has just that mom in the entire world and he/she is growing up thanks to her. And this is the only fact that counts.

There are letters of moms reporting experiences with special children, other ones with children with some terrible illnesses and not anymore on Earth but all these letters are precious and absolutely stunning for the powerful and positive message that they spread: a message of love, understanding, encouragement a message that passes through the experience of being a mom to the one of growing up other lives also in sufferance thinking that this one was what God wanted for us.

Some of these moms didn't imagine the force that being a mother would have meant. Other ones  remembered their expectations as girls, traveling, having some fun before to settle down. Life changed forever for them with the arrival of a baby. Without regrets.

Being a mom is the greatest blessing add another lady.

There is the experience of step-mom, women who didn't biologically create children but found children of her partner and grew up them as if they would have been their children.


Enjoy this book.
It's wonderfully written, it warms the heart thanks to these beautiful letters written by enchanting souls! remembering always that the role and complexity of being a mom is terribly enchanting.



I read this book thanks to Netgalley.com



Anna Maria Polidori

Natural Curiosity by Lisa Carne

What attracted me the most when I picked up Natural Curiosity written by Lisa Carne and published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers the main theme: keeping home children giving them the proper instruction by-passing school. The first books I read about this important thematic the ones of Lill Hawkins, American from Maine, who under a great funny perspective told us the various adventures lived with her two unschooling children.

Lisa Carne and her husband lives in a countryside and they can give to their two children all the possible freedom for discovering nature.
Technology as remarked by the author has created a sort of wall between children (not only) and nature and what in the past appeared as a normal interaction between all Creatures of God, at the moment natural environment is introduced them as a hostile ad not anymore friendly place.

It's important to return at a good relationship with nature says the author.

The first years of children peculiar for putting the base of their approach to life, nature, environment.

A good childhood spent at contact with nature in general gives best people, plenty of respect for nature, and more healthy under other aspects.

One of Lisa's children, the daughter, developed at 3 years arthritis and  the author and her partner noticed that staying outside in company with wild and domestic animals, fox, sparrowhawks, helped her not only to discover the environment but also a better physical condition.

The arrival of school meant to the family the introduction of their children in a different environment where unfortunately as it happens most of the time nature, animals, wild or domestic ones not lived relaxingly, but with a lot of stress.

Although their school implemented certain programs for permitting to the children to staying at contact with nature, children where not set free to go where they wanted to go (maybe also for the responsibility felt by the teachers)  expressing who they were and doing and discovering what they wanted to discover.

For this reason and for setting free their children from a land a constrictions and restrictions which sometimes can be school as a lot of other UK's families, Lisa and her husband decided to remove their children from school educating them home. 

Their daughter healed from her illness.

The author tells that she is much more happy and joyous to spend in a best way her time at home and both these children appreciate a lot nature and all the other possible thematic as dinosaurs, life, learning in a natural and not oppressive way every possible topics, with people, their parents, who are giving them all the best in terms of education.

Thanks to netgalley.com for this great book.


Anna Maria Polidori

Women of Abstract Expressionism Edited by Joan Marter

This catalogue published by Yale University Press  in association with Denver Art Museum and read thanks to Netgalley.com focus the attention on an art exhibit of 40 painters, all women.

These women in the art exhibit: "Women of Abstract Expressionism" at the Denver Art Museum in 2008.

The book edited by Joan Marter with an introduction by Gwen F. Chanzit and essays by Robert Hobbs, Ellen G. Landau, Susan Landauer, Joan Marter and an interview with Irving Sandler.

The art of Abstract Expressionism started with great energy in San Francisco and New York City during the 40s and 50s.

In general in the past painters predominantly men. With this new current of art, women tried to come out putting out all their feelings, sentiments. There is everything in these paintings, from literature to music, passing through cubism (I liked a lot that paintings) poetry and in general women's diversified world.

Main artists of this movement Jay DeFeo, Helen Frankenthaler, Grace Hartigan, Elaine de Kooning, Lee Krasner, Joan Mitchell.

My impression of paintings: they're good. Sure for what I can see there were portrayed in these canvas all the complexities of these women's  feelings.



If you are interested to seeing these paintings here the places where you can find them:




Denver Art Museum
(06/12/16–09/25/16)

Mint Museum, Charlotte, N.C.
(10/22/16–01/22/17)

Palm Springs Art Museum
(02/18/17–05/28/17)





Enjoy these paintings with their peculiar force and spirit!




Anna Maria Polidori

A spiritual Journey by Susan Kapatoes

Susan Kapatoes is a special soul and in this book:
A spiritual Journey I read thanks to netgalley.com she will share with her readers what she learnt from life and what she learnt through God, the Divine Source.

Susan Kapatoes received a bachelor degree in science of Nutrition at the Amherst, located in Massachusetts. She had clear and strong ideas since she was little.

She grew up she tells, in a Catholic family but at first she didn't believe in God. She also decided of giving up the Confirmation because she couldn't be sure that God existed and she didn't want to be false.

Someone later presented her a Bible and this Bible with other books always brought with her in the various localities where she was studying. The first episode let her think maybe God existed, at  college and thanks to this Bible. In a moment of discomfort, she was alone in her bedroom, she asked something to God opening a casual page of the Bible. Most people like to do that and most people receive an answer from God.

Later Susan would have felt the presence of God or of some special "angels", people disappeared from her life and sent directly from Heaven for supporting and encouraging her in a lot of other occasions.

Susan thinks that each of us can start a privileged dialogue with God or the Divine Source, or our Superior Entity. It's better to be alone, without too much crowd or confusion.

And mainly she believes that the power of positive thinking can do miracles.

She experimented it thanks to some....potatoes and a wonderful harvest, much more abundant than the ones of the previous years.
She planted these potatoes with heart "balsaming them" with good vibrations.

We must be believers, tell us the author.
Good vibes, good things happens, and good chances can appear to us at the horizons if our approach is positive.
This one the first step for a better present and future.

Susan admits it's not simple to cleaning up our mind from negative thoughts but after all shouldn't be more simple to think positively than negatively?

If we are in a sort of dark spiral in which thoughts are negative, let's force to see the other side of this coin for healing our soul.

The book is rich of examples, poems Susan writes at God and other people she is affectionate at and love to post at the end of every chapter.

It's a fresh, quick, brief book but very felt, profound and positive

Mrs Kapatoes is a believer of biological agriculture without the utilization of chemical pesticides, a warrior like many others never tired to promote a better world and a real change.
For sure, a positive vibe for this Planet!


Anna Maria Polidori